Doesn’t mean I have to look like crap all the time.

Repeat after me, people: cargo pants are for soldiers, carpenters and nine-year-olds only. Not for touring Nairobi. You really don’t even need them on safari, as you’ll be sitting on your butt in a car all day long and then chilling in your lodge all evening being waited on hand and foot. The chances that you’ll have to whip a jacknife out of your zippered inner thigh pocket to slay a charging baboon are slim.
And dear “dirty hippy tourist”: it’s ok to bathe here. Nairobi may be suffering from a water shortage but I’m quite sure your hotel/backpackers hostel has ample supply, even if it is delivered to your room in a bucket. So please wash. You’re making us all look bad. And you smell a bit funky.